The Summer Resort

Good Turks find random excuses to spend sunny days outside, better ones summer by the sea.

The southwest is dotted with coastal towns catering to Turks’ desire for sun, sea and incessant need to talk about how great the sun and sea are/were/will be. So popular are vacations down south, major cities empty out as those with disposable income flock to the holiday towns.

Turks begin sharing their need for a vacation with coworkers, neighbors, supermarket staff and anyone else in earshot in increasingly impatient terms weeks before departure. Once the date arrives, they head south and almost immediately run out of money as resort town taxis charge ridiculous fares to make up for getting business only 3 months a year.

Vacations are either taken with a group of friends/relatives at someone’s house or, for those unfortunate enough to not have befriended a Turk with a summer home, hotels/hostels. The Turks who themselves own homes in a resort develop a zealous loyalty to the particular town others normally reservefor firstborns and religions. They'll eventually invite you as long as you make sure to nod approvingly as they talk about the greatness of their beaches and nightlife.

Another popular summer activity is making fun of the tourists who frequent these summer resorts (while simultaneously boasting about how frequently visited Turkey is: over 26 million in 2008!!!). With a Mediterranean climate but still significantly cheaper than more well-known southern European hotspots, Turkey has become a popular destination for the “budget-conscious” traveler, tourism-speak for “obnoxious” traveler or “Euro-trash” for short.

While some visit Turkey quietly, like the Japanese who stick to taking pictures next to historic rubble or the Israelis who aren't around anymore after we insulted their President, others just shame their countrymen: the British, Germans or Russians (Americans, while embarrassing enough, tend not to visit much as they are unsure whether Turkey is a bird or an Islamic theocracy).

Just bring up how the Brits are pasty, drunk, loud and covered tattoos, how the Germans are pasty, drunk and don’t know English, or how the Russians are pasty, drunk and tacky (and with karaoke that kills local plant-life), and you’ll have made new Turkish friends in no time.

Just make sure to ask if they have a summer home first.